How DARE they name him Artemis!
by I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly
Summary: When Artemis the goddess finds out about how a male child is named after her, she is predictably furious. But any sort of confrontation with Artemis Fowl the Second can get messy...*devious grin* PJO/AF one shot, I sadly don't own anything.


**I'm putting it out there: I LOVE ARTEMIS FOWL II. So even though I've described him as a rude, arrogant, bossy, stuck up, pompous, deluded mortal with a superiority complex, I still love him. Even if he _is_ a rude, arrogant, bossy, stuck up, pompous, deluded mortal with a superiority complex :)**

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><p><strong>This story is told from Thalia's POV. It's set any time after Artemis Fowl the First was found i.e. after the Arctic Incident. And in the PJO world, any time after Thalia joined the Hunters.<strong>

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><p><strong>I don't own PJO. And I don't own Artemis Fowl.<br>~And I do NOT ship HollyXArtemis, or MinervaXArtemis, or anythingXArtemis.  
>~And I think Foaly is pure epic awesomeness.<strong>

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><p>"Oh dear," Phoebe (1) said in dismay.<p>

"What?" I leaned forward to read the newspaper she had in her hand. In block letters, the headlines proclaimed:

ARTEMIS FOWL FOUND, WELL AFTER HE WAS PRESUMED DEAD.

I scanned the article. It said something about an Artemis Fowl, who had been missing so long it had been assumed that he had died, but out of nowhere he had turned up, very much alive.

I returned to newspaper to Phoebe. "So?"

She looked at me like I was mad. "Hasn't thee made the connection yet?" she asked incredulously. "His name is Artemis."

"Yeah, I noticed that. So?"

"_His_ name is Artemis."

Finally, the penny dropped. "Oh dear," I said in dismay.

"Exactly."

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><p>"We must keep it from Lady Artemis," Jenny, a relatively young Hunter (by which I mean someone who doesn't talk in 'thee's and 'thou's), said nervously.<p>

We were taking a break from roaming the wilderness, and were housed in one of the many rooms of Olympus's vast palace as Lady Artemis looked over her godly (or would is goddessly?) affairs.

"Why?" I asked.

They looked at me like I was mad. "Oh," Jenny realized, "you weren't there the last time."

I frowned. "Last time what?"

"Last time Lady Artemis totally lost it."

"Which was when…?"

"When her brother accused her of PMSing."

My mouth dropped open. "HE DID NOT!"

"Oh yes he did. And if she find out about this Artemis Fowl, it'll be even worse. Which is why _none _of you must mention this to her."

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><p>At the same time…<p>

"Hey sis?" Apollo asked his twin.

"If you are about to tell me one more knock-knock joke, Apollo, I swear on the Styx that I will-"

"Hey! Relax! No, I was just wondering if you read the newspaper today."

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><p>Wa-a-ay over there, all the way across the various rooms of the palace, on the other side of Olympus, the Hunters heard a shrill, piercing scream as Artemis let her imagination run wild with torture plans.<p>

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><p>"Milady, is this wise?" I asked her nervously.<p>

We were somewhere in Ireland, making our way towards the residence of a very unfortunate Artemis Fowl.

I glanced at Artemis (the goddess). Her eyes were smoldering with anger. "I have just found out that some _stupid __mortal_"-she spat the words out-"and what's more, a stupid mortal _boy_"-she said it like it was the worst insult (which, in her opinion, it probably was)-"has been named after me. I do not plan to sit quiet about it."

"But-" she cut me off.

"How would you like it if a range of Barbie dolls called 'Thalia' was released?"

-(I met Phoebe later, who asked me if I was able to change her mind.

"No…in fact, she might have changed _mine_," I said honestly.

Phoebe looked at me weirdly. "How?"

"Barbie dolls."

"Has thee _totally_ lost it?")-

"Are we in the right place?" Artemis asked me testily.

"Yes, milady…Fowl Manor."

She walked in with furious, purposeful steps, disabling the numerous security measures with a wave of her hand. I hurried behind her, with Phoebe and Jenny struggling to keep up with the furious goddess's pace.

And then we all crashed to a halt, because standing in front of us was a boy, a mere child, looking haughtier than Zeus and more arrogant than Ares. That's _very_ haughty and arrogant, for those who haven't seen the respective gods having one of their 'hissy fits'.

His black hair was slicked back, and his blue eyes were piercing. And was he wearing…_a __suit_? And…was that _a __tie?_

The child frowned. "Who," he asked in a very superior voice, "are _you_? How did you get in?" he acted as if he owned the place.

Artemis looked at him in a mixture of surprise and distaste, and I got the impression that she was debating whether to turn him into a rabbit or a koala. "Who the Hades are _you_?"

He huffed in impatience. "I," he said loftily, "am Artemis Fowl, and this is _my_ manor you are currently standing in, so you would do well to answer _my _questions, or I shall be forced to have you dragged off the premises."

Who the heck even said 'premises' anymore? And this is coming from the girl who spends her time with people who say 'thee'. Next, he'll be saying 'ergo'. _Actually_… I looked closely at him; he was wearing a _suit_ and a _tie_, for gods' sake…_he __might __just __say__ '__ergo__' __after __all._

"_You_ are _Artemis __Fowl_?" our goddess asked incredulously, and I kind of agreed with her. This guy looked like he had walked out of a vampire movie. He probably hadn't even _heard_ of Green Day-horror. "This is even more insulting than I thought."

He glanced at the rest of us, apparently deciding that Lady Artemis was nuts. I tried to look at the scene from his eyes: an auburn haired small girl barging into his house-manor, I corrected myself-with three other girls behind her. He looked as if he was trying to decide whom he should attempt a sane conversation with. His eyes rested on me, but even though I looked the oldest, my punk clothes apparently put him off.

"Who are you people?" he ended up asking Jenny.

She glanced at us nervously. "Look, maybe I should talk to you in private…"

"Absolutely not. This _is_ my own house, thank you very much. If you wished to speak with me in private, you should have taken an appointment."

Jenny looked disgusted-she was not exactly famed for her patience, if you get my drift. "Milady, he's wearing a suit-_a __suit! _And a _tie!_-and he has absolutely no shame at all. Please, blast him right now!"

"Um, Jenny," Phoebe whispered, "he may be a rude, arrogant, bossy, stuck up, pompous, deluded mortal with a superiority complex, but he _is _an innocent (2). We can't let our lady blast him…even if he _is_ wearing a tie."

"Right," Jenny muttered. "Well, Mr Fowl, you see, our lady here"-she gestured to Lady Artemis-"has some issues with your name. And we were kind of hoping you wouldn't be a rude, arrogant, bossy etc etc deluded mortal with a superiority complex so that our job of convincing her to not blast you to ashes would be made easier."

He looked at her with a very polite expression that managed to say quite clearly _I __think __you __are __nuts_.

"I have absolutely no idea why you would have a problem with my name, but I believe you shouldn't be confronting me for the name my parents gave me…rather, you should take up your problem with my parents…whatever your problem is," he finally said, looking as if he wished he had the number for the lunatic asylum of speed dial.

Phoebe brightened at the idea. "That's a brilliant idea, milady. Why don't we just leave now…"

"Who names a male child after a female goddess, anyways?" I blurted out suddenly.

He looked at me in annoyance. "It is my father's name, which he passed down to me," he said in irritation.

We looked at him in shock.

Then there was stunned silence.

Then the meaning of his words sunk in.

Then all Hades broke loose.

"You mean," Artemis (the goddess) screeched, "that there are _two_ of you _males_ who were named after me!"

"Named after _you_?" he asked quizzically, as Phoebe and Jenny tried to restrain her. "You can't possibly think that _you_ are the goddess Artemis? Oh dear, you really _have_ escaped from the asylum, haven't you?" he asked, looking at her pityingly.

"LET ME AT HIM!" she let out a bloodcurdling scream, and I stepped between her and Artemis Fowl the Second.

"Do you _want_ to get killed?" I snapped at him from the side of my mouth, "and why was your _father_ named after a female goddess anyways?"

He looked even more irritated, and quite unconcerned by the scene in front of him (well, he _was_ thinking a goddess to be a lunatic, though) and said, "It is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery, yes." We froze-all of us, including the goddess. Was he really going to explain our Lady's own name to her? We waited with bated breath.

Turns out, that ass went a step further. "But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. And I am that male. Artemis the hunter."

Artemis (the furious goddess) was beyond livid. "YOU-!"

And Artemis Fowl II turned into a donkey.

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><p>Oh, we got our Lady to change it later, but needless to say, little Arty always maintained a healthy respect for Greek mythology. Rest assured, he would remember not to mess with auburn haired girls ever again (3).<p>

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><p>(1) Remember her? Their best tracker? The who put the arrows in one of the Stoll's helmet? The one the Stolls gave the sprayed-with-centaur-blood t-shirt to? The one who was supposed to go on the quest to save Artemis till she was bedridden by horrible hives for weeks because of before mentioned t-shirt? Yeah, you remember. <em>Her<em>. ;)

(2) *smirks* Yeah right.

(3) Holly has auburn hair :)

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><p><strong>I felt sad I couldn't put in Foaly. He's so epic. So far, the only person I know who would be part of the Foaly Fan Club (if there was such a club) besides me, is my ff friend pigeonattack (or pidge). Can I add your name to the list? ;) Let me know. In a review. Hint hint.<strong>

**FOALY FOREVA!**

**Write on!  
>~Fly~<strong>


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